The Light of Those You Love
by happy-sheep-no3
Summary: A new source of information allows the Order to prepare for the coming battle, and leads Severus back into the arms of an old lover, but can she be trusted? And what does she really want?
1. Ice Cream

The Light Of Those You Love

Summary: A new source of information allows the Order to prepare for the coming battle, and leads Severus back into the arms of an old lover, but can she be trusted? And what does she really want?

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling is not me. Bet she wishes she was though.

A/N: I have attempted to write this fic several times, but I have been unhappy with all of my previous attempts. This time, however, it's going a lot better, so fingers crossed J

A/N2: This has not been beta read, and for a grammar school girl my grammar is not hot. If you see any mistakes, please tell me. And review! Even if its just to say 'hi, please die today.' Actually….don't do that.

Chapter 1 - Ice Cream

Heaven bend to take my hand  
I've nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to these I thought were friends  
To everyone I know

Sarah McLachlan - 'Fallen'

Severus Snape sat in a darkened corner of Florean Fortescue's ice-cream parlour, surreptitiously indulging in a small chocolate ice-cream.

"Severus Snape," purred a voice from behind him.

The hairs on the back of Severus' neck stood on end. He did not have to turn around to know who was addressing him; he knew that voice. He turned anyway, but whether to ascertain it was who he thought it was or to simply be polite, he did not know.

"Anneliese Blackwood," he addressed the woman leaning on the counter, "to what do I owe the… pleasure?" he asked.

"You know, if one of your students caught you in here… well, there'd go your reputation," she said, raising one plucked eyebrow in a mocking gesture.

"Thanks for the advice, but if that's all…" he turned back to his ice-cream, determined that, if she wanted to speak with him, she'd have to work hard to do it.

"No, that is not nearly all," she murmured, taking a seat opposite him.

For several minutes she simply stared at him, taking in his appearance. There were lines where there had been no lines before, caused from worry no doubt - maybe pain, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"I assume you want something other than to stare gawmlessly?" Severus finally asked, snapping Anneliese back to reality.

"Yes…" she said, before stopping, clearly unsure of how to proceed. "I…have a gift for you."

"A gift?" He questioned, somewhat incredulous.

"Yes, just don't open it while I'm here." She said in a tone that implied she was used to being obeyed, before placing a small black bag on the table before him. "Enjoy your ice-cream," she murmured, before standing and, with one last piercing look, swept out of the shop.

Eying the bag, Severus frowned. Not that he had always understood the motives behind Anneliese's more bizarre actions, but this was odd, even for her. Why come to him now, after fifteen years of carefully avoiding him, just to give him a gift? Fingering the bag gently, he untied the small bow that held it together, before berating himself for his stupidity. Fortunately, no damage seemed to have been done, but he waved his wand over the bag and muttered 'Specialis revelio' before opening the bag even further, just to be sure. Inside, there was a small black book, it's pages bound together by an ornate silver clasp. Flicking through the pages, Severus' eyes grew wider, before he pocketed the book and headed back to Hogwarts, to the Headmaster.

"Severus," Albus finally said, after flicking through the pages of the book for several minutes. "A week ago you said that you had heard Avery discussing almost exactly this," he lifted the book up, "with Macnair. Do you think Avery knew you overheard?"

Severus thought for a moment before answering, "I doubt it, but even if he did, why give Anneliese the information to give to me?" Severus questioned.

"In order to see in which direction the information flowed," Albus answered. At Severus' blank look he continued, "this could have been set up all along, the information could be false, and this could merely be a ruse to prove that Voldermort is not the only master you answer to."

"But I am in favour with the Dark Lord at the moment, and to set something like this up against one of the Dark Lord's own without his permission would be... foolish."

"So, you feel that Miss Blackwood is attempting to give us information? Do you have any idea why?" Albus asked.

"Only that she is growing tired of the old ways, which isn't too difficult to believe. May I ask what are your theories, Headmaster?" Severus asked.

"I only have one, which you have so kindly supported. To know more you are going to have to meet up with her again. Can you do that, Severus?" Albus asked, a knowing twinkle in his eye.

"Of course, I will arrange another meeting as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Severus." Albus said, as Severus stood and, with a slight nod, headed straight to the dungeons.


	2. Memories Of Smoky Rooms

Chapter 2 - Memories of Smoky Rooms

The blue around the morning moon  
The colour of your eyes  
I remember holding you  
Fall through summer skies

Eddie Reader - 'Bell, Book & Candle Lyrics'

Despite his earlier show of bravado, meeting with Anneliese had shaken Severus more than he'd care to admit. It had reminded him of a simpler time when, even if he hadn't liked himself, he had known exactly who he was and what he was doing - before he had ever even contemplated life as a double-agent.

Tracing the familiar steps to his bathroom, he leaded against the sink, pushing his protruding hipbone against the cold porcelain. With his head lowered he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, before slowly lifting his head to meet the eye of his reflection, something he had not had the courage to do for nearly twenty years. His eyes seemed darker than he remembered, black pits that had seen too much suffering.

_Grey eyes, met across a smoky room, the smell of death and sex hanging heavy in the air._

Raking his fingers through his hair, he pushed the memory away. It did not to do to dwell on the past. Walking to his desk, he pulled out a piece of parchment and quickly scribbled a short message in his spidery writing.

Tomorrow, 7, old place

S

Satisfied that the note would be nonsense to everyone other than Anneliese, he sealed it and walked quickly to the school owlery before he could change his mind. Selecting a small brown owl that would not draw attention, he tied the message to its leg and watched it soar out the window. Night was drawing in and, even though he knew sleep would not come for hours, he decided to go to bed. As the war raged on and he was becoming more and more exhausted, he found that even just lying down helped; he couldn't close his eyes - it was too hard to fight the images when he had nothing else to look at.

After several hours, Severus gave sleep up as a helpless job, and sat in the window seat that his rooms gave. The image of the sky - not real of course, merely a projection of the view from the window on the storey above - was beautiful. Morning was already dawning, the blue tinge was only a memory of the blackness before, and though the moon was still full, the weak rays of the morning sun could be seen looming behind the forest. Though sleep had not come last night, he did not feel particularly tired - he was growing used to lack of sleep these days, and thoughts of the meeting with Anneliese later were like a cold shower to his sleep-deprived mind. And, Severus mused, it had always been so.

_Grey eyes, met across a smoky room, the smell of death and sex hanging heavy in the air. Severus remembered those eyes, he had met them frequently across the Slytherin common room just months before. Everyone had whispered behind their backs, Severus knew, about what a shame it was for a beautiful Pure-Blood to be wasted on a Half-Blood like him. But he had not cared, even though they had not been involved like gossip said, they had shared a wonderful friendship that Severus had been grateful for. _

"_Hey," said a soft voice from beside him. _

_Severus looked down. Whilst he had been thinking about her, Anneliese had managed to sneak up on him. _

"_Hi," he replied, somewhat awkwardly. The months had changed her, she had lost weight and her face no longer had a soft innocence. She was no longer a child. Severus gulped, it did not do to have such thoughts - they had not been involved at school, and they certainly would not be involved now that she had the whole world open to her. _

"_I missed you," she murmured. She slipped her hand into his and Severus could no longer see the carnage around them. He had been a young man and very easily taken in by such a beautiful woman. "Let's get out of here," she said, pulling on his hand slightly._

Severus woke with a start. Cursing, he unfolded himself from the uncomfortable position he had fallen asleep in at the window, it had just been getting to his favourite part of the dream. There was a sharp knock at the door, and Severus realised what had woken him. Glancing outside, he tried to guess how long he had been asleep, a while no doubt - the night was completely gone now, and the feeble sun of hours before was now beating down on the grounds.

Walking shakily to the door, he opened it, wondering who could ever want him so urgently.

"Madam Pomfrey," he greeted, surprised.

"Severus, you were late so I thought I'd come and get you," she said, but she did not seem annoyed.

"Sorry, I was asleep. I will meet you by the greenhouses in five minutes," he said, closing the door on her.

Walking to the bathroom, he splashed some cold water on his face before pulling fresh robes on, trying to force the dream out of his mind.

When he arrived by the greenhouses five minutes later, Madam Pomfrey was somewhat more annoyed and he helped her to select the roots she needed in silence, speaking only when needed, in strained voices.

The rest of the day went quickly but that was only because, Severus thought, he had woken up so late. So soon it seemed impossible, it was half past six and Severus was walking down the path from the Entrance Hall to the gates. The walk from Hogwarts to Hogsmeade should have been a long one, but when Severus had first started as a teacher he had discovered a shortcut that allowed him to get to Hogsmeade and still have time to spare before seven. Unfortunately tonight this was not a good thing as it allowed him time to think, as he stood waiting outside the restaurant which had once been a favourite of his and Anneliese's, on what would happen if he was wrong and this was actually a carefully laid trap.

As seven came and went, Severus' patience started to wear thin and at ten past seven he decided that if she did not arrive in the next five minutes he would leave. However, just as he was about to turn and go, he saw her striding purposefully towards him.

"You're late," he said once she'd arrived, his voice laced with steel.

"I'm sorry, I got held up but I did get here as quickly as I could," she muttered, and despite her sardonic tone Severus could tell by her slightly flushed cheeks that it was an actual apology.

"Well," he said somewhat stiffly, "shall we go inside?"

At her nod they entered the restaurant, and though it was tastefully decorated and the food on the few patrons' plates looked delicious, it was almost empty, which was why they had always like it so much.

"Sir, how can I help you?" asked a tall, dark haired waiter.

"A table for two, on the balcony is possible." Severus requested.

"But of course, sir," was the response as they were led up the stairs to the balcony that allowed the seated patrons to view the rest of the restaurant. Fortunately, it looked as though no-one else had requested a balcony seat and it was mercifully empty, allowing whatever conversation they were going to have to be held even more privately.

After helping Anneliese into her seat, the waiter took their orders and excused himself promising that he would be back shortly with their meals.

"Well…" Anneliese muttered as they were left in an awkward silence. To cover her discomfort, she selected a menu and started to browse through, occasionally shooting furtive looks at Severus.

After several uncomfortable minutes their food arrived and they began to eat in silence.

"Dumbledore would like a meeting with you," Severus finally said out of desperation, though it was not how he had meant to broach the subject.

Anneliese looked up, looking thoughtful. "I thought he would, when?"

"I'm not a calendar, Anneliese, you will have to arrange it yourself," Severus scowled.

The rest of the meal passed slowly, in an even more uncomfortable silence than before, but as the meal came to a close Anneliese knew that if she did not say something that Severus would have no reason to stay, and it might be another fifteen years before she spoke to him again.

"Severus…" she started, but then realised there was nothing to say.

"Yes?" Severus asked.

"Nothing," she muttered, covering her eyes with her hands.

"I booked a room here," Severus said, somewhat awkwardly.

"Are you sure that's appropriate?" Anneliese asked looking up, surprised.

"Are you sure it matters?"

Hesitating for several seconds, Anneliese asked herself that question. Did it matter? Were they opening a can of worms that was better being left unopened, or was it ok to go for old time's sake? Or were they going to messy an already awkward situation with their feelings?

Her decision made, Anneliese stood and offered her hand to Severus.

The room he led her to was small, with only a double bed, chair and wardrobe, but it was tastefully decorated with cream walls, dark wood rafters on the roof and all the furniture made of mahogany.

Unsure of what else to do, Anneliese perched on the foot of the bed as Severus sat in the chair opposite. For several moments they stared at each other, not speaking but not awkward like before.

"Will Dumbledore hand me over to the Ministry?" It was the question that had been most bothering her, but it had impossible to say before and even now it was hard.

"If he thinks you are willing to help us, then I doubt it," Severus answered, though he truly did not know. He had not handed him over to the ministry all those years ago, but that had been a different time, and Anneliese would first have to convince Dumbledore that her redemption was not false, and Severus did not know whether she would be able.

"I hope not," she whispered.

Severus shifted in his chair, uncomfortable, she looked as though she might cry and he was not sure whether he could handle that. After deliberating for several seconds, Severus moved to kneel in front of her and ran his hands lightly along her thighs.

"So do I," he murmured.

Reached for his arms she pulled him up so their faces were only inches apart. They both hesitated, wondering whether this was the right thing to do, before Severus caught her lips in an exquisitely slow kiss.

Pushing her down onto the bed, he broke of the kiss and knelt between her steepled legs. Slowly, he undid every one of the many buttons on his cloak, never letting his eyes leave her face. Her eyes held an awe that was not often seen on her face, and reminded Severus of the innocence she had lost too young. Discarding his cloak, his fingers moved to his shirt, revealing his pale, but nevertheless strong, chest.

Raising one hand, Anneliese slowly ran a finger down the muscles exposed to her, delighting in the Severus' gasp. Sitting up, she captured his lips in another, hungrier, kiss and allowed him to remove her own cloak and shirt. Pushing them both back down onto the bed, Severus cupped her face with his hands, studying the difference fifteen years had made to the face he had once loved. Then, he continued to kiss her oh-so-slowly, as they remembered each other's touch, something they thought they had forgotten so long ago.

Hours later, Anneliese woke just as the sun was starting to peek through the clouds. She stirred in Severus' arms; she did not know what to do. Should she stay, and face the awkwardness of the morning after the night before? Or should she go, proving that she could not be trusted? Just as she started to try and get out of Severus' arms without waking him, he opened an eye.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, his velvet voice scratchy through lack of use.

"Toilet," she said, grinning guiltily.

"Ok," Severus said and moved over to allow her to move, though he still looked suspicious.

When she came back from the bathroom, Severus was sitting on the bed, fully dressed.

Under Severus' intense scrutiny, she wrapped the sheet she'd taken more tightly around her.

"I suppose you need to get back to Hogwarts," Anneliese surmised.

"Yes, but," Severus hesitated, which was such an unusual thing it made Anneliese uncomfortable. "Come with me," he requested, "just to see the Headmaster if you want, but come with me."

Anneliese frowned, unsure of what he wanted, but found herself nodding regardless.


	3. Downpour

Chapter 3 - Downpour

They walked back to the castle in silence; the night they'd spent together had just served to increase their discomfort. Anneliese, much less comfortable in silences than Severus, was growing nervous as they reached the steps of the school. No doubt she deserved it, but she really, really did not want to go to Azkaban.

"Is the Headmaster expecting me now?" Anneliese asked, more to ease the tension than anything else.

"No, but he will talk to you." Severus assured her.

"Good," Anneliese murmured, before following through the castle up to the Headmaster's office.

She found it strange, it had been almost fifteen years since she had been in this school and yet so much was familiar, she could almost see herself walking to the Slytherin common room alongside Narcissa.

When they reached the griffin that guarded the Headmaster's office, Snape uttered the password 'candy cane,' and it sprang to life, revealing a spiral staircase. As they descended the moving steps Anneliese's stomach twisted uncomfortably, but she doubted it had anything to do with the motion of the stairs. At the top of the staircase there was another door, which Severus proceeded to knock on. After waiting for several moments and receiving no reply, Anneliese frowned at Severus.

"Perhaps the Headmaster is away on business." Severus offered as way of explanation.

"Yes," Anneliese said, seeming to grow uncomfortable once more. "I really should return home, please ask Professor Dumbledore to owl me when he is able to talk to me."

"He doesn't like to stay away for long. Perhaps if we go for a walk in the grounds, he will be back when we return" Severus stated, as though reluctant to ask for any more of her time.

"I suppose I could wait," Anneliese admitted, her tone as light as she could make it as her stomach twisted unpleasantly.

Placing a hand lightly on her elbow, as he had many times before, Severus led her back through the castle and to the grounds.

The weather outside was not pleasant, the sky was overcast with grey clouds and there was already a slight mist in the air that promised rain. But the only other option was for Anneliese to go home, or for them to go back in the castle, neither of which they found acceptable.

"I doubt there will be much rain," Severus said looking at the sky, "but it's probably best not to wander too far from the castle."

"We could go to the lake," Anneliese suggested, "I used to spend so much time sitting there."

Again, they walked in silence, the question that Severus really wanted to ask resting on his lips as he did not dare speak it, not yet.

It took them just ten minutes to reach the lake, but by the time they arrived Anneliese was already shivering from the cold.

"Let's just sit here," she suggested, "and try to warm up."

They sat beside each other, their thighs pressed together and as Anneliese continued to shiver, Severus wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on his shoulder.

Now that they were sitting so intimately, the question that Severus had been wanting to ask slipped out. "Why now?"

Anneliese was quiet for so long that Severus thought she had not heard and was about to ask again when she said, "last night was the first night in a long time that I haven't woken up screaming. I can't bear to see so many hurt people in my dreams and know that I was the one that hurt them." Her tone was soft, and Severus could hear more than just a little self-pity in there. He wasn't sure why, but that angered him.

"So," he sneered, "the only reason you want to stop now, after all these years, is so you can get a decent night's sleep."

He moved away from her and as he did so he caught sight of her hurt expression.

"What's the matter Anneliese?" he asked, his tone scornful, "hurt I'm not touched by declaration of a conscience?"

Suddenly, there was a flash of lightening, followed shortly by a roll of thunder before the heavens seemed to open in a downpour of heavy rain.

Anneliese did not hear him speak but she saw Severus mouth 'run,' before he turned and ran back towards the castle. Following him, she put her arms over her head in an attempt not to get too wet, but this, however, compromised her balance and it wasn't long before she found herself flying through the air and landing on her arm with a sickening 'crunch'.

Crying out, she saw Severus stop and turn, looking around for a few moments until he saw her lying crumpled on the floor. He jogged back over to her and as he got near, he yelled to be heard over the rain "can you walk?"

"I don't know," she replied, "I think my arms broken."

Crouching beside her he helped her to her feet, only to have to catch her as she toppled on her injured legs.

"Don't worry," Severus murmured, "I'll carry you back to the castle."

Trying to ignore how much her whole body hurt after the fall, and just how good it was to be in Severus' arms, Anneliese lay still and tried not to breath in the intoxicating scent of Severus. It was obvious to them both that the previous night had been a mistake, and it would not do to dwell on thoughts of it.

"Madam Pomfrey," Severus called out, and Anneliese realised that whilst she had been trying not to think about the man holding her, they had reached the Infirmary.

"What happened?" Madam Pomfrey asked, rushing over and helping Severus lay her on a bed. She did not ask who she was and Anneliese was grateful, he could not deal with the suspicious looks right now.

"We were running back inside because of the rain and I tripped," Anneliese said, slightly embarrassed that she needed to be cared for as a result of her clumsiness.

"What did you fall over, dear?" Madam Pomfrey asked kindly.

"Her own feet," Severus snorted and Madam Pomfrey glared at him. Anneliese felt a sudden rush of affection for this bustling woman and was very glad she was the matron who was caring for her.

"Well, it looks as though you've just got a broken arm and a twisted ankle, so it won't take long for you to be back on your feet. You'll just need to drink this potion and have a few hours bed rest and you'll be good to go."

"Thank you," Anneliese said as she accepted the potion, draining the vile liquid in one before handing the glass back to the matron and watching her hurry away.

She looked at Severus expecting him to go too, but to her surprise he sank into the chair beside her bed and, with a sudden feeling of tenderness towards him realised that he was concerned.

She smiled at him slightly, which he did not return, he just continued to look at her, his chin resting on his steepled fingers.

"Is that the only reason?" He asked suddenly, but Anneliese did not need to ask what he meant.

"No," she replied and did not speak again for a while, but Severus waited patiently. "A little while ago, I realised that I'm fast approaching forty and….I'm not a mother." She said the last part softly, causing Severus' eyes to soften. "I always thought I would be, but I guess I left it too late." She sat silently for a while, studying her fingers and trying not to blush under Severus' scrutiny. "You know, I always thought that….you would be the father."

At Severus' sharp intake of breath she looked up, trying to work out the look in his eyes. Finally he said, "I always wanted to father your children. But…. we left it too late." He admitted softly.

Anneliese's eyes teared, thinking not only of the children she had never had but also of the children whose lives she had taken away. She did not deserve children, not when she had murdered children.

"You do," Severus whispered, and Anneliese realising she had spoken out loud, blushed.

Severus stood and Anneliese presumed that he was about to leave, but instead he settled beside her on the bed and, for the third time that day, took her into his arms.


End file.
